A Mary-Sue Too Good to be True
by Silenthunder
Summary: Another Mary-Sue threatens Middle-earth once again. Agents Natalie Carlman and Za'kiir of the PPC are tasked with disposing of Kara, a Tenth Walker with a magical pet unicorn, blood relations to Lady Galadriel and a wide range of magic powers.


**AN: The PPC (Protectors of the Plot Continuum) was created by Jay and Acacia. I own only Agents Natalie and Za'kiir. Lord of the Rings belong to J.R.R. Tolkien. The banfic they enter is** **called "The 10th Member"** **by anna87, who can keep it. Muchísimas gracias to SkarmorySilver, eatpraylove, and Edhelistar for being my betas, and to** **Iximaz, Desdendelle, and DawnFire for further help.**

Recruitment, check. Training, check. Learning canon, check. Getting used to the weirdness of the PPC, check. A last, long sleep -

[BEEP! BEEP! BEEP!]

Or not.

The new agent bolted upright, his fur bristling. "What in Alkosh's name-"

"It's just the console, Za'kiir," his partner replied. "You'll hear it more than you like. Get off the sofa; it's time."

The Khajiit relaxed as the console stopped its infernal noise, stretching for a moment before getting up. He walked over to the female human, who was reading the Intelligence Report for the badfic. "What kind of mission do we have?"

" _Lord of the Rings_." Natalie shook her head sadly. "We're dealing with a teenage girl as a Tenth Walker from Planet Earth. She's a half-Elf." Her eyes suddenly widened. "A _half-Istar_ to boot. And she has... _she_..."

Za'kiir laid a paw on her shoulder. "Let us begin before you go mad."

She tore herself away from the screen, her face set. "You're right. Let's get what we need and go. We'll be needing a First-Person Dummy especially; don't forget that."

* * *

A few minutes later, the two agents, disguised as Generic Hobbits (and thus very uncomfortable with their new heights), stepped through a portal out into an area a few feet away from the Shire. They observed the crash dummy that had been pushed into the badfic before them. It had gained black hair and green eyes as the Sue-wraith possessed it.

The dummy walked up to a tree **which had weapons and supplies around it** , then started reading a mysterious note taped to the tree.

"It says she needs to go to Bree to meet up with Strider," Natalie said as she stared at the sky, reading the Words of the badfic.

 **I strapped the sword belt on and gave the sword a few swings before returning it to its sheath. I put two daggers in my boots and another one on a strap on my leg, and threw the cloak over my shoulders. I put the gauntlets on my arms and found the were quite bulky on the inside. I found out what it was soon after, it was like the assassin's blade in the Assassins Creed games.**

"No one cares," Natalie hissed. "And she shouldn't be stealing items from other continua."

The Sue found a bow, which had another note attached to it.

 **This quiver is magical. It is not only tied to you but will fill with arrows whenever you need the and never run out.**

Za'kiir's eyes narrowed, a growl forming in his throat. "Khajiit _hates_ unrealistic weapons."

Natalie had her notepad out and was writing the charges down. "Same here. Hopefully the fact that it's tied to her means that she experiences some painful nights."

It got worse. When the Sue practiced with the bow, she **found that once the arrows hit their mark they would disappear** , a fact that did not make the Khajiit very happy.

The Sue had just cleared the first hill after greeting a hobbit when the agents found themselves on the ground, as if violently pushed or dragged forward.

 **It took a whole three days before I reached the Prancing Pony.**

Natalie groaned as she got up, feeling very nauseous. "Stupid time warping… Let's change, fast. Does Generic Bree Villager sound good to you?"

After applying the DORKS, they followed the Sue at a distance, knowing they were safe - no character except the Sue could spot them, unless they chose to reveal themselves or were too noisy. They followed her into the Prancing Pony, where she asked to see Strider, who realized that Gandalf had chosen her after she handed him the note.

Natalie's eyes narrowed. She pitied the Gray Pilgrim for having to do that over and over in Tenth Walker badfics.

Suddenly the two agents found themselves on the ground, thanks to the sudden tense change in a thought of the Sue's. For those who have never experienced tense changes, imagine being on a roller-coaster, feeling like you're about to throw up, and being dunked in icy cold water and scalding hot water at the same time for good measure.

Aragorn suggested they go to a more private room. The two agents stopped just outside the room's door where they could eavesdrop. They learned that the Sue's name was Kara. After a few simple questions that left the agents wondering why there needed to be privacy in the first place, Kara heard the hobbits coming through the front door, and Aragorn commented that she had " **the ears of an elf."**

Natalie pressed her fingernails into the palms of her fisted hands. "I'll bet you fifty gold pieces that it turns that out she isn't an Elf," she whispered close to her partner's ear.

"Za'kiir would not bet you. The amount is too low."

They managed to move to a corner in time to hide and watched in awe as Aragorn somehow " **walked outside the door"** without even having opened it. Za'kiir winced as Frodo spoke to Butterbur, stating that he and his friends were looking for Gandalf and asking if he could be alerted of their presence all within one breath due to the lack of punctuation. Kara went outside, felt something odd, went back in and reported, " **There's a shift in the wind"**

"Exclamation, question, or statement?" Natalie joked.

 **"Hobbits, stay here. And Frodo," He turned to me, "Don't put on the ring. Whatever is following you can sense it and will know exactly where you are." He nodded and I walked out.**

 **"How do you know that?" Strider asked.**

 **"Just a hunch."**

"I do not believe that could be 'just a hunch,' " Za'kiir said. "The Nordish-Breton never told the Suvian anything of that kind."

"Mm-hmm." Natalie turned from reading the Words and took the remote activator out of her pocket. "There's nothing much for a little bit after this. She gets introduced to the hobbits, talks with Frodo, and… On second thought, let's portal to a few minutes later. Another charge."

The conversation between Aragorn and Kara was already beginning as the two agents stepped through the portal. They listened long enough to know that Kara had a backstory involving kidnapping, slavery, rape, and being forced to kill her own family, and yet she strangely didn't have any phobias or trauma from any of that. In fact, according to her, she had lost her fear of death by almost dying in someone else's place.

"If she'd established that she had some kind of religion, I'd believe her on that," Natalie whispered.

Za'kiir looked at her, surprised. "She does not follow one of the Divines?" Everyone he had met in Skyrim acknowledged the gods there, and swore by one from time to time at the very least.

"Nope. But anyway, you wanna get some sleep? They'll be leaving early in the morning, so it would be a good idea."

"I agree."

After finding a nearby bedroom in which they could rest, the two agents agreed on night shifts so that they wouldn't miss the company's departure, and then bid each other goodnight.

* * *

The next morning saw the agents, now clothed in Nazgûl robes (which Za'kiir had almost refused to wear, but in the end had relented because they made him feel more stealthy), following the hobbits and their guide. The Words soon returned to Aragorn and Kara, who immediately guessed in quick succession that Aragorn was in love, and not in love with a human, but with an Elf, and that he was worried that she wouldn't love him back.

Kara assured him that " **Love is the strongest thing there is. I can move mountains, change the course of a river."**

Natalie stiffened, but then she smiled as best she could to calm herself down. "It's only a typo, just a typo, I can ignore it… Soon she'll pay, oh yes, precious, oh yes…"

"Natalie, you are scaring Khajiit."

"What? Oh. Sorry."

After the humourous conversation from the movie about second breakfasts, the agents quickly found themselves drawing near to when Kara would have a rather scary nightmare, and decided to portal past it and into the next chapter, as there was nothing worthy of notice after the dream for a while.

They stepped out of the portal a few minutes after the Nazgûl arrived at Weathertop, and watched what followed. Kara was wounded with a Morgul Blade, but couldn't seem to decide whether she'd been slashed or stabbed. They followed the Company as canon temporarily took over, at least until they got to where the three stone trolls were. Kara went off into the woods alone (or so she thought) because she saw something moving.

At first, what Kara saw was a huge black horse. It turned out to be anything but. To Kara's surprise and the agents' fury, the horse **had a horn of fire!** He then proceeded to close her wound and bow to her. When Kara asked him what his name was, **he lowered his horn to the ground and a fiery word showed up: Dregan.** She promptly mounted him and rode back to the others.

Za'kiir had kept silent until now, but as soon as the distance between the agents and the Sue was safe, he started cursing under his breath. "There are no… What are they? Ah yes, unicorns. There are no unicorns in Middle-earth! And she dares to always call it a _horse_!" His temper worsened when the Cute Animal Friend was able to retract his horn, and didn't even break a sweat on the way to Rivendell. Natalie agreed to let Za'kiir be the one to take care of Dregan when there was an opportunity. They changed into Generic Rivendell Elves on the way, knowing full well that was the next stop.

"Do you want to portal there?" Natalie asked.

"No. Za'kiir prefers to walk. The countryside is _beautiful_."

"Yeah, it is. Here, I brought some chicken pieces."

"Thank you. What did you bring for yourself?"

"A sandwhich. Oh, and Bleepolate. No, don't - you can't have it, it's poison to your anatomy. But I brought a little Bleepka. Tastes like beer, I think."

He took the flask and sipped. A small purr of enjoyment vibrated in his throat, and he commenced to gulp the rest of the liquid down. "A good drink," he said once finished, wiping his mouth with a paw. "You are right, it does taste like ale. Not as good as skooma, but it will do."

They entertained each other as they went on: Za'kiir with a rendition of "Ragnar the Red," and Natalie with the fairy-tale of Cinderella. They were also grateful for the free nights in which they could rest.

Upon finally reaching Rivendell, the two spent some free time during the days that Frodo would heal from his wound, constantly in awe of the nature around them, and at night, listening to Frodo's pained cries, and sometimes, the singing of the Elves.

After Frodo was well, the Sue finally started moving again, and the agents commenced following their target once more, doing their best to seem unsuspicious as they followed her. Kara spoke with Gandalf, who naturally explained why she had come to Middle-earth. According to him, she'd been born there but sent to Earth when she was ten on the advice of Galadriel, who had foreseen the girl's return. Kara's mother was Galadriel's half-sister as well (never mind how _that_ was possible, of course), which meant that she " **[had] immortality"** due to her elvish blood.

Natalie wrote down the charges furiously, and then read them over in satisfaction. "I am _so_ looking forward to a few chapters away." Her words almost blocked out Gandalf's promise to Kara to train her to control her magic abilities as he gave her a magical white staff and a necklace.

"She's an Elf," Za'kiir murmured in disbelief, "and yet she does not follow the Aedra…"

"I know, right? You'd think this Elf would follow Ilúvatar, but _nooo_ , she's too Speshul for that. Blasphemer."

Once they were out in the courtyard, Frodo introduced Kara to a certain hobbit, saying, " **Come meet my uncle Bible, Kara."**

A mini-Balrog with an equally miniature picture of the Bible printed on him flew over to the agents for shelter. Natalie bit the inside of her lip to keep from laughing, and Za'kiir couldn't help but chuckle at the sight.

The two agents finally had a chance to sit down, which they were extremely grateful for. Bilbo exchanged only a few words with Kara when she was called to meet with Elrond and Gandalf. One of the things they spoke of was Dregan, who was revealed to be Sauron's steed, but he had accepted Kara as his master. Then that lead to the wound she had received, and Gandalf rightly wondered why Kara hadn't been affected by the Morgul Blade despite the Witch-King targeting both her and Frodo.

" **The blade must not have broken. Remember that most of the pain and infection comes from the broken bit of the blade that slowly makes its way to the heart."**

"But a Morgul Blade _always_ breaks on contact!" Za'kiir hissed, ignoring the odd high-pitched whine that was forcing its way through Natalie's clenched teeth. He dug his claws into the ground when it was revealed that Dregan was now bonded to Kara, and he could come to her from wherever he was if she called for him.

With that, the two agents camped outside Rivendell, at the edge of the woods, and slept through the night.

* * *

The next morning, they scanned the Words and found they could portal through most of the chapter, as there was nothing significant except Kara riding Dregan and seeing the Elves (especially Legolas, of course) arriving for the Council. They stopped upon reaching another conversation with Gandalf, in which she was told that another necklace she had found was a necklace she could use to call Dregan. Not only that, but it also turned out that Dregan had magical powers, based on fire and healing. And she could change the size of her staff just by thinking of it.

In a grand demonstration to prove how Speshul she was, Kara then went outside and created an unlit campfire, then lit it on fire, then created a force field to protect it from the wind, all by the power of thought, completely throwing any notions of Gandalf training her out the window.

Suddenly the agents found themselves falling briefly, as though the ground had opened up beneath them, before hitting the ground again and lying there, thanks to a temporal distortion that compressed the entire day into half an hour. It was nighttime again, but the agents weren't the least bit tired. They did feel a little nauseous, however.

"Well, what do you want to do now?" Natalie asked once they both felt better. "You up for a game?"

Za'kiir gave his partner a quizzical look. "How would I go up for-"

"I meant, would you like to play a game?"

"Oh. What game?"

"Well, there's a game called Twenty Questions I could teach you..."

* * *

They were on the second round of Twenty Questions when another plothole suddenly dragged them into the next morning, dumping them in what appeared to be a Generic Glade outside of Rivendell.

Za'kiir did his best to look at the Words as he forced himself off the ground, panting. "It's - It's after the - the meeting?"

"The meeting…? Flaming Denethor! She skipped the Council of Elrond! What's she doing now?"

"Practicing with her bow and arrows. She meets Legolas."

"I swear, if this turns out to be a Legomance… Let's go."

They found Kara, who was surprised that she didn't miss her targets, even though she hadn't trained with a bow since her first kidnapping. Legolas appeared, and they chatted for a bit. Zakiir's fangs bared when she said that she didn't aim because she couldn't concentrate while doing it, and the arrows always hit their targets anyway. Boromir came and apologized for the harsh words he had spoken of her at the Council, and out of the blue, Dregan's skin suddenly looked like lava, and his horn extended, causing Boromir to flee.

After some vines fashioned a seat for her in the woods, and called her princess, she then left the vines and went for a ride on Dregan, heading faraway from Rivendell in the woods. But when Aragorn and Legolas began chasing her, alarmed because of the distance she had gone, Kara purposefully did her best to evade them. When the two finally caught up to her, Aragorn was not happy, snapping into OOCness as he yelled at her.

" **I wasn't thinking! I got scared and bolted." I yelled at Aragorn.**

"Liar," Natalie muttered. Thankfully she couldn't be heard above the argument. It didn't help that when Aragorn recalled Kara's advice about love's strength, the typo hadn't been fixed. Then she and Za'kiir suddenly found themselves feeling nauseous twice as tenses changed from present progressive to past progressive in quick succession. But that hadn't been the only time; the tense-switching had occurred so many times that they had lost count.

"If that happens again," Natalie groaned, holding her stomach, "I'll…"

"Do not forget yourself," Za'kiir warned. "She will die soon, Khajiit is certain."

"In two more chapters. I can't wait any longer than that. We could portal through most of this chapter. She has to ride Dregan to prove her Speshulness, gets a dagger, and… Oh. _Oh, no_." She quickly pulled out the remote activator. "C'mon. You've got to hear this conversation between her and Aragorn."

 **"Yes, and I wonder what a horse bred specifically for you would look like. Diseased maybe?"** the Sue-dummy asked Aragorn, not knowing they were being watched.

 **"Maybe. What do you think Gandalf's would be?"**

 **"Probably a skinny, but healthy, nag that's faster than it appears."**

 **"I'd have to agree with you on that one."**

Natalie's cry of rage was cut off by Za'kiir's paw pressed against her mouth, and it came out muffled. Kara turned her head in confusion, but the agents were hidden behind a thick clump of trees, and could not be seen. "Did you hear something?" Kara asked. The canon characters scanned their surroundings, shrugged, and moved on.

Once they were safe, Za'kiir removed his paw. "What was that for?"

"Aragorn just agreed that his horse would look diseased," Natalie muttered furiously in a high-pitched voice, finding it hard to keep her voice low.

"Say that again?"

"They're saying Gandalf's horse would look skinny, when Gandalf gets to ride _Shadowfax_ , _**the Lord of Horses from flaming Rohan**_ -"

"Hush! Keep calm, I beg you." Za'kiir pleaded, his orange eyes locking with his partner's brown ones. "She will die soon. Stay calm for now, please."

She nodded, and began humming "99 Bottles of Coke on the Wall." She was running out of ideas for self-distraction, after all.

"Dregan can keep her nightmares away. Why am I not surprised?" Natalie sighed after Kara found this out, but her annoyance turned to anger a minute later when Kara bullied Gimli with her "superior Speshulness." Just after that, the agents fell once again through a time warp, landing in Rivendell.

"I hope that's the last time," Za'kiir said after they had steadied themselves.

"It is, thank the Valar. We're finally at...the chapter with the Council. Huh. She didn't skip it after all. C'mon."

As the two agents, still dressed as Rivendell Elves, made their way to the courtyard, Za'kiir took a few minutes to read the Words, cringing at an urple description of Legolas's eyes that included his irises and pupils.

"Canon resumes for a while," he told Natalie as they made themselves comfortable at the bottom of the raised stone floor where the Council would take place. "It is the movie canon. So, do you want to play Twenty Questions again?"

"Sure."

"And this time _Za'kiir_ will ask the questions."

"Shoot…"

* * *

"Is it something precious?"

"Yes."

"Is it a rare weapon?"

"Yes."

"Is it-"

 **"A woman?" Boromis asks, unbelieving. "What can a woman do?"**

Boromis, upon making his way over to Za'kiir, nuzzled his paw. "Ow!" the Khajiit cried suddenly, drawing his paw back like lightning. Boromis shrank back.

"Oh, sorry. I forgot they can be warm. They're smaller versions of the Balrog of Moria, after all. Just pull the sleeve of your tunic over your paw, that should shield it somewhat."

"Thank you." Having done so, he reached out to Boromis, who let the agent stroke his horned head. Another mini-Balrog, named Pipping, appeared soon after. "They are Daedra," Za'kiir mused, "and yet they are…"

"Cute?" Natalie finished. "I know. They really are. Oh yes you are, oh yes!" She scratched Pipping under the chin, and he gave a little roar of appreciation. "Aww, you're just so adorable!"

Za'kiir gave an awkward cough. "Khajiit hates to stop this, but we must continue the mission, yes?"

"What? Oh, yeah." They sneaked into the woods, and there applied the guise of Orcs. Za'kiir made it quite clear with much hissing and moaning that he did not like this particular disguise in the least.

"Don't be such a sissy," his fellow Orc said. "You won't have it on long."

"If I had my claws, I would rip this loathsome skin from my body right now."

"Hey, at least you still look terrifying."

"Hush, _fetcher_!"

"Hush yourself, kitty."

Pulling out the remote activator, Natalie zapped up a portal which they stepped into, emerging after Kara had killed and skinned some deer singlehandedly. The canon characters had been told of the Sue's past by Gandalf, and they apologized for it, but she said it was no trouble.

"Okay, now she sends Dregan off," Natalie whispered, having gleaned this from scanning the Words. "You have three uneventful days in which to kill him. Here's the remote activator. I would suggest keeping the horn. They can detect poisons, if I recall correctly."

"Thank you for the information," the Khajiit replied, and followed the unicorn-horse into the night as silently as his Orc form would allow, muttering curses under his breath about his ugly skin all the while.

Three days later, Natalie, now almost at the stage of complete boredom, was ready to play her tenth round of Solo Solitaire using flowers when a portal appeared in thin air. Za'kiir stepped out of it, holding his daggers and the dim red horn aloft triumphantly. "He was a worthy foe, for a CAF," he said as he handed her the horn, which was still a little warm. "He was intelligent and very, _very_ fast; he knew my purpose. The horn almost retracted before I could remove it."

"Good job, Za'kiir. I found out there's another CAF in Lothlorien, a wolf named Dae that can shapeshift into a raven and also control shadows and use telepathy with Kara. But don't worry. Lady Galadriel told her, quote, **"Your lives are now connected in the way that if you die so does she, though you may live on if she passes,"** unquote."

The Khajiit couldn't help smirking. "That's _too_ convenient."

"I know, right? So, we're good with that one."

"Of course we are good. We protect canon. Why do you state the obvious?"

"I mean we're _safe_ , Za'kiir. We don't have to worry about that one, but we can't charge Kara for it, since we haven't gotten there, remember."

She went silent as Kara, upon Boromir's suggestion, told the Fellowship about the United States and its government.

"She summarizes the government pretty well, I'll give her that," Natalie whispered. "We'll still have to charge her for it, though. No 21st-century knowledge in Middle-earth allowed."

 **"Did you like it there?" Frodo asked. "I mean, would you go back?" He almost sounded worried.**

"Not the Ringbearer, too!" Za'kiir groaned. "She is changing everyone's personalities!"

"Not _everyone_ -"

Za'kiir had groaned a bit too loudly, and the Fellowship were on their feet, weapons drawn and looking around.

"Stay here," Za'kiir whispered, and he suddenly stepped out into view before his partner could protest.

The Fellowship turned to face him, waiting for him to charge. But they were quite surprised when the Orc spoke in almost clear Westron, albeit strangely. "Wait! Do not slay me. I came from Mordor to challenge the female human to single combat!"

The Fellowship looked at each other, then Kara stepped forward. "I accept."

"Where I come from, it is required that we fight alone, with nobody watching."

"You should know Mordor is quite far from here, and you speak in an unusual manner for an Orc," Aragorn cut in, his eyes narrowed suspiciously. "How do we know you aren't letting her walk into a trap?"

"I'll be fine," Kara protested, turning to the Ranger. "I have my powers, my weapons, and Dregan if I need him. He'll protect me. I won't go far."

Aragorn's eyes glazed over as the Aura of Smooth took hold of him again, and he nodded. "Very well. The niece of the Lady Galadriel cannot fail."

"Come!" Za'kiir commanded as gruffly as he could. Kara followed him until they were out of earshot of the Fellowship. Then the agent turned to face her, drawing his twin daggers. "Let us begin, Mary-Sue!"

Kara, who was unsheathing one of her swords, paused in confusion. "What do you mean? I'm not Mary-Sue, I'm Kara."

"This one is a _Mary-Sue_!" He punctuated the words with a thrust that she barely managed to block, as his speech fell back into the half-used third person Khajiit used for those who were not close friends. She swung her weapon in response, but it was too wide and left her whole front exposed. He took the opportunity to nick the leather of the bulky glove on her right hand. "How does the Mary-Sue even hold anything with unsheathed daggers in her gloves? This _s'wit_ should have cut herself long ago."

Kara's eyes widened, and she suddenly began tearing at her gloves, emitting a few cries of pain while trying to get them off. When she finally removed them, her hands were bleeding from the cuts inflicted by the knives that her story had ignored. "What… How did you do that?"

"The Mary-Sue did it to herself."

She grasped the sword hilt with renewed vigour, now furious. "Whatever just happened, I won't let you hurt me anymore!"

He stepped out of the path of her following overambitious swings and easily blocked her next cut. She stopped and looked at her sword in amazement. "How is this possible? I'm supposed to hit you!"

"You never practiced with the blade, did you?"

"But I did! I said I did-"

"You only gave it a few swings, if I recall correctly; there was no extensive practice. 'No battle was ever won with boasts alone.' You do not know the difference between showing and saying. There is a great difference. And there are many things you do not know about battle…"

Kara's look of incredulousness ceased as a large fist connected with the back of her head, and she dropped senseless to the ground. "Like checking to see if your enemy has reinforcements," Natalie finished. She grinned, an unsettling thing to see an Orc doing. "Not bad, Za'kiir. You need to work on sounding more Orcish next time, though. Since you killed Dregan, I get to kill the Sue, okay?"

"Alright. What took you so long?"

"I neuralyzed the Fellowship after you two left. Man, was Aragorn jumpy…"

"Where should we go?"

"Well, while you were gone, I also read that she _nearly_ dies by falling off Caradhras."

"Ah, I see."

"Yeah. She apparently forgot that she's immortal."

"Here, I'll carry her."

"Thanks. Brace yourself, it'll be pretty cold."

With that, the trio left the woods, coming out again on the path the Fellowship would soon take when they reached Caradhras. Natalie shivered violently, feeling the chill even worse in her Orc form. "C-cold! Let's get this over with, ok-k-kay?"

The intense chilly temperature had wakened Kara, who was held securely by Za'kiir. Natalie took out her notepad, took a deep breath, and began speaking rather quickly. "Kara, you are charged with being a Mary-Sue, stealing the gloves from the _Assassin's Creed_ games, joining the Fellowship, five counts of line-stealing, multiple switches between the past and present tenses, not knowing the difference between your and you're, having unrealistic weaponry, having an overpowered Cute Animal Friend of a uncanonical species, making the journey from the Shire to Bree take only three days, having an angsty backstory without the resulting deep-seated trauma or even phobias, the creation of Rivendall," she took another breath, then continued: "creating four mini-Balrogs, being an elf-wizard crossbreed, being the daughter of the Blue Wizard Alatar, having Speshul uncanonical magical abilities - magic _does not work that way_ in Middle-earth - being an exception to the Morgul Blade's turning powers, turning all of the Fellowship OOC, messing up the timeline, introducing twentieth-century knowledge into Middle-earth, _and really getting on our nerves_. The sentence is death. Any quick last words?"

"You - you c-can't do this! I'm supposed to fall in love with Legolas soon!"

"Not on my watch! Za'kiir, would you let her go?"

The Khajiit obeyed, and once Kara forced herself to stand, Natalie casually pushed her forward and over the edge of the mountainside.

"Let's go get it," Natalie said once the ensuing scream had faded. It was a simple matter of portaling to where the now-lifeless dummy was, folding it into a cube, and portaling back to their Response Center as fast as their cold limbs would allow.

* * *

"Ahhh," Za'kiir sighed as he stretched luxuriously, more than happy to be out of the Orc-skin. "That feels _so_ much better."

"You didn't do half bad for your first official time," Natalie said, smiling at him. "I'm just glad we got it done."

"So am I." The Khajiit gave a huge yawn, and the human gave a little shudder at his sharp canine teeth. "I really need to sleep-"

She saw he was heading toward the sofa. "Don't!" But it was too late. As soon as he sat down-

[BEEP! BEEP! BEEP!]

Both agents groaned simultaneously. Natalie rubbed her eyes wearily. "Sleepless Day Number One, here we come!" she grumbled…


End file.
